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Marx Bros.: Go West/The Big Store
By Groucho Marx, Chico Marx, Harpo Marx, John Carroll, Diana Lewis, Walter Woolf King, Robert Barrat, June MacCloy, George Lessey, Bob Priester, Barbara Bedford, Harry Tyler, Joan Woodbury, Tully Marshall, Edward Hearn, Iris Adrian, Baby Quintanilla, Harry Wilson, Lew Harvey, Earl Covert
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Technically, this is Thomas. Not Anthony. That said, here's the big ol' email Anthony wrote, that describes Winterim from the point when everyone else left. I read it, liked it, and I trust that he would have wanted it cut, pasted, and posted here: NO ADRESSEE SUBJECT: Where we left off TEXT: Dear Von Trapp family. This e-mail is written in loving memory of: Molly, Thomas, Anthony,
Sharon, and Joe Ritchie, and Dan spiotta, who should have passed away
many times over in there journey from beaver creek Colorado to Big
Rock Illinois. (narrative from the perspective of Anthony Ritchie) I guess I should pick up where we left off, the night of the
fourteenth of January. Dad decided that the airplane would leave the
airport at 12:00 sharp the next day, so the next day we where about
ready to get out of the house by 1:30. now there where about
seventeen of us at the house, and there are only ten seats on the
plane, so me Thomas and Dan (who where hanging out upstairs) slowly
began to realize we where all alone. This wasn't totally unexpected
we didn't think we where going to make the flight, but it would have
been nice to let us know what was going on. When mom finally got back from dropping everybody off at the airport
(she had Molly with her who had also been bumped from the flight)it
was time for leaving preparations, and you kind of need to have been
through it to know what that is like. Point being it took us all of
two days to be ready, and by that time dad was able to come back and
pick us up, for which we where eternally grateful... at the time...
(insert creepy music here)...(heavy handed foreshadowing) When the time came to meet Dad at the airport (Well the time was to
meet him was 7:45, but it was only 8:30) anyway. Because we where
just going to get into the plane we packed hastily, and not very
well. when we finally got to the airport Dad came out to the car,
and we all thanked him profusely, and asked where the plane was. he
stuck his head in the window and said "well don't thank me yet you
cant see the it from here, it's way out there off the side of the
runway" then he looked in the back of the car and saw all the stuff
we had, and said "We need to go back and repack since we are driving
home" After one more hour of packing we where finally on the road once and
for all, and Dad told us his thrilling tale: When he came in for his
landing one of his engines want haywire so he started sliding all
over the runway and when something like that happens you are supposed
to disconnect the steering and use only your brakes. That was
working all well and good until one of his tires blew, and braking on
one tire and one rim doesn't work out so well. he stared swerving
off the runway. he couldn't use the brakes to stop, and he couldn't
reverse the engines to stop because they weren't symmetrical so he
skidded right off the runway. Luckily his plane suffered minimal
damage: besides the wheel one of his props hit one of those lights on
the side of the runway, and his wingtip cracked, it would be fixed
soon but the Vail airport doesn't have (of all things) spare wheels. Anyway we where on our way in our 1988 suburban with six people and
all the spare luggage and snowboards that wouldn't fit on the first
flight, and all the food from the house that would expire in the next
year. We got almost to the Nebraska border be fore Mom got tired and
we stopped at a road side motel at 3:00 AM where molly's bed wasn't
made and was covered in hair from the last person, the TV was still
on and there was only one small hand towel in Mom and Dad's room, and
Me, Thomas and Dan (and my snake) nearly froze to death trying to get
into our room, after wondering around the hotel (which conveniently
opens to the outside) searching for the room the door kept on
beeping red and green for a freaking long time and it wouldn't open,
but we got inside and thawed out in the end. We where on the road again by 9:30 and we stopped at subway of all
breakfast places, and I stayed in the car with my snake while Thomas
got me a wretched sandwich that had tan colored eggs bacon and--for
some reason--pickles and onions. A few hours later we stopped for
second breakfast at KFC/Taco Bell (there seemed to be a lot of
Subways, KFC/Taco Bell, and dairy Queens in Nebraska) where everyone
took at least ten minuets to order, and in the mean while Dad had an
amusing conversation with the lady over the drive through radio about
chicken gizzards, he thought she was joking that they sold chicken
gizzards but apparently the lady had gotten married because her
future husband (at the time) came in so often to order chicken
gizzards. there was no one behind us so we talked at the window for
a while, and eventually we got a box of free chicken gizzards...it
was weird. Most of the day passed fairly uneventfully (we did see some very home
schooled people in a fifteen passenger van at a gas station in Iowa:))
we snacked on yogurt and apples provided by Mom for the next few
hours, but later that night Dad was getting tired and we where
pulling off at an exit so Molly could drive, and Dad wasn't looking
at the road and didn't see where the road curved until I yelled from
the passenger seat, and just had time to swerve. We ended up going
halfway off the road and doing a full 180 and pointing the wrong way
down the deserted exit ramp. I'm convinced that if Dad didn't know
what he was doing we would have rolled off the road and down the hill
and probably been saved by all the padding that was provided by all
the luggage we had piled around us. Later that night we stopped at Culver's a half hour from our house
and because they where closing they gave us some free ice cream.
When we got back in the car i found my snake was not in the pillow
case where I had left him, so I spent a few minutes in terror riping
apart the car looking for him until Dad calmly pointed out that the
snake was sitting on the dash board in plain view of everything. In the end we are home with no further damage then a broken airplane
and some spilled coffee. (and we are up one box of chicken gizzards
and some ice cream, so i think we can consider it a profitable
voyage). The memorable quotes from the trip are:
-Dad saying "don't thank me yet."
-After Dad tells us he crashed his plane and we have to drive home,
Mom randomly says "oh dear I hope we didn't squish the bread and
chips."
-After pulling out of a gas station Mom yelling "AHHH!! don't drive
so crazy, now I'm covered in tomatoes." And the road trip inside joke is "at least we aren't still in Vail."
Ha ha ha... get it "at least we aren't still in Vail." Ha ha. Anyway this is kind of long, but I had nothing to do the day after we
got back. I hope you have had the patience to read my sleep deprived
ramblings, and if not someday I will tell you in person of the
thrilling story that rivals even that of "THE BUS 04".Bye bye for now Lots of love from Anthony
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